Jan 18, 2008

The Incredible Hulkabee!

I was going to beg Frederick to make me a better pic of Hulkabee, but I couldn't wait....

In the wilds of Arkansas while out hunting rabid dogs with his son, Hulkabee was born!

It all started when Huckabee encountered a water moccassin that had been abused by snake handlers. It had been forced to live in a tank of holy water and fed only aryan mice that had been converted to christianity from their evil rodent religion. It had escaped from the church where it had been held captive and was hiding in the knothole of a tree.
Unfortunately for the abused serpent, Huckabee's eye had chanced upon the tree and he proceeded to do some “Arkansas knotholing”. (a common practice in Huckabee's community, second in popularity- in fact- only to squirrel hunting).
The snake, fearing torture by the humans again, bit Huck as he made sweet christian love to the seductive elm. He then shuddered and died. The snake, not Huck.
Huck’s son was busy strangling a particulary vicious looking stray schnauzer on the other side of the valley and was unable to suck out the poison for his dad.
Hulkabee fell into a dreamstate from the holy water moccasin venom and God came into his head and spoke to him.
“You are the chosen one. You will go to Washington and replace the constitution with the 10 commandments! If anyone gets in your way, the holy spirit will fill you and you will transform into HULKABEE!”

Huck felt the holy venom changing him. And he said unto the Lord: “Yes, O Lord”

And the Lord turned to go back into heaven, and as he disappeared he yelled over his shoulder- “And stop sticking your dick in trees!”

Hulkabee arose filled with two things: A godly fire to spread the word of Religion to his government and - an intense hate for all sexual desires except with his lovely wife- Erlene.

Normally sane- he can go off at a moment’s notice into a constitution shredding fury! That slack jawed sleepy grin hides a grimace that makes Fred Thompson look like Matthew McConnahey!

Tremble, ye unworthy! Repent, ye sinners. Huck Smash Law!

(and yes, that IS the angriest pic of Huck I could find)


Frederick said...

Well, you did inspire me to get into the cartoons, I'll say that...

oldhacks@gmail said...

i included huckleberry in my post about christianity on youtube


Fade said...

wow. re-reading that, at this moment, and I am DRUNK NOW- it just reaffirms my belief that I should never, ever, be sober (like i was when I wrote that post at work)