Abortion- Is it a "right" or a wrong?

Should we be able to terminate pregnancies that we don't want? It's an old argument, but progressives have been steadily abandoning the fight in the past five to six years.

Digby's post got me thinking about this again. As "just a male" I have always automatically deferred to women in this matter. To be honest, in situations where the abortion question popped up, (as a young a-little-too-sexually-active-for-his-own-good man) I invariably handed off this question to the woman and secretly hoped that they would, indeed, go get an abortion. My main concern was how I was going to support the child, the marriage issue,etc - all the stereotypical things you would think a young punk would care about- myself.

I already had one son from having unprotected sex as a teenager in high school and I sure didn't want another. Not enough that I would start using condoms or tone down my aggressive quest to be a redneck Lothario of infamous proportions. I was a very big fool who didn't learn from one mistake, it generally took me three or four.

So, I had been party to more than one abortion that involved me as the would-be father. I am not proud of this fact, but it IS a fact. Then later, I have been the friend, in several situations that did not directly involve me, where women have made the decision to get an abortion, usually in situations that involved men who were simply not there once they were informed of the pregnancy. Men who were married, men who didn't give a shit. And there were two occasions when female friends chose to have abortions even though the father stood by them and said they would be supportive, and even wanted the babies. Still- it was the woman's decision, wasn't it? I have yet to recall even one of these men who were anything but relieved (in the end) at the abortion decision made by the women involved.

So, what's the point? Why has my perception changed, later in my life?

As a male, I deferred to the woman in all the cases. "Your body, your choice". I cannot imagine how it feels to physically experience those abortions, but I was there emotionally for the aftermath. I have watched in anguish what experiencing those abortions did to those women and how it forever altered them later.

Years later, maybe I am wiser, maybe I am more inclined to put in my two cents- But it sure seems to me a LOT more murkier now than being simply a "woman's right". It's invasive and has emotional effects on these women that sometimes haunt them for years. There is the emotional baggage I carry (even as just a simple male) that I have to live with every time I look at my children.

And why? Because for whatever reasons, the people I refer to didn't go to the extra effort for birth control. Why? 'Cause if accidents happen, we could go throw down $300-$400 and get an abortion, no harm no foul (we thought). But it's a lot more complex than just being a simple decision. No less so than the decision to suddenly get married. And even though I am a single parent who has custody of my daughters because their mom abandoned them- I still balk at 'men's rights' concerning a pregnancy. I still defer that it is only a woman's decision, but more and more I am wondering if even that "right" should be in her hands.

Hey- I am all for new technological advances that prevent pregnancy and think they should be sold in vending machines on every street corner. I know "abstinence" as birth control is a complete fucking fairy tale. I realize that every mother-to-be will not want a child in their life.

But can I support Abortion as a "right" anymore? Now that I have seen and experienced what I have directly with pregnancies and abortions, I don't think I can anymore. If a lot of hard core progressives are "abandoning" Abortion as a right, maybe it is because we have decided that taking responsibility for our actions is a little more important than simply wiping the slate clean.

And maybe knowing that we didn't have the ability to quickly wipe away our irresponsibilities would make every one of us a little more careful.

UPDATE: C&L just picked up the Digby post- the commentary just started- but something else I wanted to add that I commented there:

and while I still consider myself pro-choice, I am starting to think that there simply is NOT a beneficial way to frame abortion as a right.We should be promoting The Morning after pill, the pregnancy prevention options, not abortion. There's simply no way to win with that argument.New Way to Frame an old argument: Choose medications that PREVENT Abortions.The more legal options that Women have prior to 8 weeks into a pregnancy the more CHOICE they have.