Jun 27, 2007

Racism in Hell!

Doc Biobrain, of And doctor biobrain's response is... fame, participates in Yahoo! Answers, a website wherein you can find answers to any questions you have.

The good doctor, being a Doctor and all that, needs no answers from the mob, but he likes to ask quirky questions.

Here's his question today:

If you were in Heaven and found that racial inequality was rampant in Hell, would you strongly protest?

Presumably, God could fix racial inequality in Hell, being omnipotent and everything. So would you expect him to? Or do you think Hell should be racist?For the sake of the question, please assume that there is a Heaven and Hell, you are in Heaven, and that Hell suffers from rampant racial injustice. The first person to answer this question correctly will get an M&M.
(note: he expounds on this question on the link above)

And here's my Answer:

Ah, interesting question, but since most of the people in Hell are probably white like me, I don't think I would be bothered.

It is almost too much of a leap of faith for me to even imagine myself on the good side of that pearly gated community, but for the sake of the good Doctor, I will try.

First, I'd get my Holy Blog going, stirring up my fellow heavenly brethren and shaking up the status quo. I would imagine this would be a tiny bit easier since there's nothing interesting going on in the promised land; deep sighs, harp strums and yawns all around.

---wait!--- Epiphany destroys the shining happy vision of God's ultimate vacation getaway-

It occurs to me that there's no way in ... uh... hell- that Hell could be more racist than Heaven's going to be!

Pain, Fire, Unending vd, and Demons implementing 'enhanced interrogation' are nothing if not equalizing upon those who getting the bad end of the pitchfork. From constant oppression comes solidarity.

I know what you're thinking- 'But that group of Irishmen over there- that's not proper damnation! A roomful of bottles of sand? How is that suffering?'

Satan, CEO of Helliburton, replies, "Every race of man has his own unique brand of suffering. One man's waterboarding is another man's colonic. You see, those poor Micks see every bottle as full of their favorite liquor until they pop the top and get another mouthful of sand. It's a fairly evil fate, if I do say so myself."

'And those pasty guys in 3 piece suits in that room, and those two very unattractive jewish women- what are they all clustered around, masturbating furiously? That's not suffering!'

And Satan replies: "Oh badness! That's a horrid one, there. Two or three of those damned throw themselves in the pit of fire daily just for a few minutes respite from that room! That's the PNAC, they are compelled to be constantly aroused by portraits of the Clintons."

"So it's all pretty fair, you see. The real racism is up in Heaven where people are so self-righteous for actually making it through the gates, they have decided to segregate themselves by choice."

'But God doesn't play favorites, does he?'

"Sure he does, he favors the atheists. But there's not much you can do about it in heaven!"

'The Atheists?! How is that!?'

"Silly human, The atheists don't believe in Heaven or hell. They became one with the time continuum when their earthly bodies expired."

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