FRIST!'s Republican Leadership survey!

Take Bill Frist's VOLPAC "Republican Leadership Survey"


Because this man cares deeply...

The questions of course, are weighted to the Bushbot eleetz. And of course, no discussion questions, you know how the Repubs don't want to hear anything but their carefully selected talking point answers.

Sample Questions and the fristian results thus far :

So, Bush blowing too much money, Mexicans!, government having to collect more money to pay for Iraq, the dangers of improving Healthcare, the threat of addressing social issues, or Judges that don't favor corporations- Whatever could be the biggest Fear of Fristians?

Survey sez: MEXICANS! Closely followed by the horrors of attempting to fix social issues at home!

And, what do you believe that other Americans feel is the most important issue?

Hmm.. Apparently the economy didn't make the grade. Neither did healthcare, the environment, inflation, war, torture, America's global loss of prominence, the damage done to the military, corruption, or corporate outsourcing of American jobs. It looks like its neverending war, spying on Americans, Mexicans!, and ... Iran? Seriously? Bush just sold millions of dollars worth of state of the art missles to Saudi Arabia, the country behind 9-11 , and Frist is worried about Iran building a nuke to protect itself from Israel? Oy.

Survey sez: MEXICANS! Twice in One Survey! Odelay!

And, I guess even only 5% of Fristians think that Iran's nuclear program is of note. Hopefully Frist (and other Rethugs) will take note. And only 11% of bushbots think that the Surge needs more time. That's heartening, if nothing else.

I encourage you all to join up and become an iFrist volunteer and help steer Volpac back towards some true conservatism and away from the neocon-war profiteering path they've been stuck on, which has really hurt the Republicans. Help let them know what the American people really want. The best way to do that is from inside Volpac itself. Go forth and multiply, friends.

The Incredible Hulkabee!

I was going to beg Frederick to make me a better pic of Hulkabee, but I couldn't wait....

In the wilds of Arkansas while out hunting rabid dogs with his son, Hulkabee was born!

It all started when Huckabee encountered a water moccassin that had been abused by snake handlers. It had been forced to live in a tank of holy water and fed only aryan mice that had been converted to christianity from their evil rodent religion. It had escaped from the church where it had been held captive and was hiding in the knothole of a tree.

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Unfortunately for the abused serpent, Huckabee's eye had chanced upon the tree and he proceeded to do some “Arkansas knotholing”. (a common practice in Huckabee's community, second in popularity- in fact- only to squirrel hunting).

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The snake, fearing torture by the humans again, bit Huck as he made sweet christian love to the seductive elm. He then shuddered and died. The snake, not Huck.

Huck’s son was busy strangling a particulary vicious looking stray schnauzer on the other side of the valley and was unable to suck out the poison for his dad.

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Hulkabee fell into a dreamstate from the holy water moccasin venom and God came into his head and spoke to him.

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“You are the chosen one. You will go to Washington and replace the constitution with the 10 commandments! If anyone gets in your way, the holy spirit will fill you and you will transform into HULKABEE!”

Huck felt the holy venom changing him. And he said unto the Lord: “Yes, O Lord”

And the Lord turned to go back into heaven, and as he disappeared he yelled over his shoulder- “And stop sticking your dick in trees!”

Hulkabee arose filled with two things: A godly fire to spread the word of Religion to his government and - an intense hate for all sexual desires except with his lovely wife- Erlene.

Normally sane- he can go off at a moment’s notice into a constitution shredding fury! That slack jawed sleepy grin hides a grimace that makes Fred Thompson look like Matthew McConnahey!

Tremble, ye unworthy! Repent, ye sinners. Huck Smash Law!

(and yes, that IS the angriest pic of Huck I could find)

Improper Breast Depictions

Lubbock Art Censorship Recap

My hometown, ever mindful of the dangers of showing boobies, especially boobies doing what God (or perhaps... Satan!?) intended - has banned two works of art depicting breasts and breastfeeding at a local art event at Buddy Holly Center. (Lubbock = Mecca of the Arts! or, er, perhaps I should say, congregation of the arts so as not to offend the christian brethren).
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Wow, arresting Chippendales dancers last year pales in comparison to this.... Of course, with Lubbockites, you never know what they are offended by exactly. Upon speaking to my fellow conservative, high morally upstanding fellow Lubbockites (... I am starting to refer to them as "Bubba-ckites") I have amalgamated their righteous indignation into one response, to save time and trouble...

For future reference, this Bubbackite pseudoynym will be "Sam Houston, defender of the West Texas Way."

So, Sam (pronounced the proper Lubbock way, with 3 syllables) why did you demand these breastfeeding pics be taken down?

Sam Houston Responds:

You damn lefties are trying to corrupt the good morals of this here community by showing women doing pagan activities like feeding kids from their bare breasts!

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How many jobs will be lost if all women start breastfeeding? How many formula manufacturers in China will go out of business, causing the commies to spend less money buying up the U.S. dollar and be forced to funnel that formula money into Iran's nuckleer program?

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If every child gets healthier by breast feeding instead of being raised on synthetics then Pharmaecutical companies will lose a ton of money! And every time a U.S. corporation loses a dollar, the terrorists win!

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Ya'll need to unnerstand the bigger picture out here! No red-blooded West Texas man wants to see a woman's boobies doing something as unnattractive as feeding some rugrat. Breasts should be only shown in glossy magazines in the bottom of our sock drawers, for a man's privacy in his own home. Or at private stag parties in the basement of the Lubbock City Council's chambers, away from the eyes of split-tails who may be offended by such imagery which God intended only for men of strong character.

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I do, however, like the fact that the women is bare-foot in the picture- that part is good Primitive Baptist doctrine . But other than that, its purely porn-aw-graffy! I ain't never been so fired up since they tried to put idols of Zeus blowing the wind on ever overpass in town! Damn heathens! Don't make me get my rope out, now.

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So, there you have it. The Sam Houstons of Lubbock strike again in the name of decency and keeping images of women safe from perverts.

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UPDATE: "Nurse-In" protest planned ...